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| Commissioned by Crow T. Robot |
When she saw Death, she waved to him. She hadn’t seen him in centuries, but she was sure old Bill Door was sitting on that bench watching the night sky. She thought it had been a long time since she had seen an immortal[1], but Rose figured she was bound to meet one of them one of these days. Death was shy. He wasn’t sure why he arrived early to their rendezvous. It wasn’t as if he knew her as well as he did other gems[2]. But he had a compulsion to see her before their final conversation. It had been a long time since he had had such a compulsion. Typically, they occurred due to a mystical ritual or an old friendship. But Rose Quartz was neither of those things. She was just a typical, ordinary mortal who had lived a long life. Death had encountered many of them.
Whatever the reason, when Rose approached Death, he simply said, HELLO.
“Well, hello yourself,” she replied with a slightly off smile. For a long time, Rose’s smiles belay a profound sadness undetectable to those who have first seen it. It wasn’t quite a frown or even a disingenuous smile. It wasn’t even forced. But the way she smiled felt as if smiling made her sad. And yet, for Death, her smile looked like any other smile. “What brings you to my neck of the woods, Bill?”
Death turned his head away. BUSINESS.
“Oh? I don’t think I ever asked what it is you do.” Death did not respond initially. He couldn’t quite name the feeling he was having. It didn’t as of yet have a singular word for itself, at least not in English: the growing anticipation of saying goodbye[3]. It wasn’t that he disliked Rose Quartz. From the way she behaved, she seemed to be an approachable woman. Highly likeable in many respects. She had secrets, sure. But what mortal didn’t have secrets. Besides, he knew them all. He wouldn’t be good at his job if he didn’t.
I’M SOMETHING OF A FARMER. I TEND TO THE CROPS AND HARVEST THEM WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT.
“Oo. Can I have a demonstration?”
THE TIME ISN’T RIGHT.
“Awww. When will it be right?” Death pulled out an hourglass.
IN ABOUT ONE HOUR, FIFTEEN MINUTES, AND he looked at the hourglass again FIVE SECONDS.
“Well then, I look forward to watching you work.”
I PROMISE YOU, YOU WILL HAVE A FRONT ROW SEAT. They both shared a chuckle to a joke Rose didn’t quite understand, yet knew intimately. She sighed, her smile returning to its normal melancholy.
“To be honest, I don’t think I’ll make your demonstration.”
I THINK YOU’LL MAKE IT. Death smiled his trademarked closed, toothy smile.
“I appreciate your optimism, Bill. But I don’t think I have much time left.” Death raised an eyebrow, a difficult task for most skeletons, but not as impossible as some might think. “I’m pregnant.”
CONGRATULATIONS!
“Thanks.” Rose paused for quite some time. “I’m probably not going to make it. I read some baby books Pearl gave me. They went into a lot of detail and depth. Probably a bit too much. At one point, it said that the child will get genes from the mother and father, and that will make the child. But I don’t have any genes to give. I’m a projection of light made solid. I can’t give my child anything. The only thing I could give them is…” She placed her hand around the jewel protruding out of her navel. “So they’ll live, and I’ll die. Fair trade, I suppose. They’ll probably do better than me.” Rose looked at the evening sky. A star shot across it like a man on the run from the law. “Such a beautiful night, isn’t it?”
YES, IT IS. Death held the hourglass in his hands. The scythe was neatly in his other pocket, the sword far away. He considered bringing the sword. All things considered, Rose Quartz was royalty. Even if she discarded the crown for the life of an exile, she was still a princess at heart. But in those many years of doing the duty, Death had understood the roles we choose. He chose the duty as much as she chose the child, the beach, the Earth.
The ocean beat back and forth across the sand. He had seen this beach when there was no ocean, when there no life save for the molecule. He would be here when it was but ash, when the star went nova and the world long abandoned. He was here now with a woman who thought nothing would be better than for everyone to get on without her. He wasn’t quite sure where that analysis came from. Maybe it was the smile, or the urge to see her before her end, or the way she talked about her own death, or something invisible, intangible. Ineffable. Whatever the reason, he wanted to say something to her, something that would ease her pain.
Instead, he asked, A BOY OR A GIRL? Rose perked up at this question.
“It’s a surprise. I told Garnet not to say, but I think it’s starting to get to her. She’s been very jittery for the past couple of weeks. She almost unfused on five different occasions. Amethyst has been hanging out with Greg a lot. Watching old TV shows, playing games. He’s been a real good influence on her and I bet she can’t wait to meet the little kid.“
AND PEARL? Rose paused and turned her head towards Death. She looked at him with an inquisitive glare she hadn’t used in a long time[4].
“…You know Pearl?”
WE’VE MET… IN PARIS. Rose nodded in understanding.
“You know, she never talks to me about what happened in Paris. I’ve asked her so many times, but she always dodges talking about it.”
ARE WE NOT ALLOWED OUR SECRETS? Rose chuckled to herself.
“I suppose, but she doesn’t tend to keep secrets from me. It’s rather disheartening.”
YOU MUST HAVE SOME SECRETS FROM HER.
“Me? Nah… I’m an open book with her.” Rose didn’t even convince herself.
DOES SHE KNOW YOU’RE DYING? She turned away from his gaze and into the far sharper gaze of someone she loved. Pearl was standing on the dock, tears in her eyes, shaking all over. Rose didn’t know how long she had stood there, listening to their conversation. Maybe she was always there. Another relationship ruined by her own foolishness. Before Rose could say anything, Pearl ran off. Rose crumpled into a ball, her hands tightly clutching her knees.
“I think she does.” Her voice was small, like a child who had just discovered death. She didn’t cry. She didn’t want to cry. She just wanted that hour fifteen and five to hurry up already. The world froze the way it often does when you’re expecting something to happen. There was a slight rumble, like a drum of an infernal marching band. The boardwalk was empty save for two people shaped beings.
GO TO HER. Said one of them. The other looked him in his deep, black eyes. She had no word for what he was beyond Bill Door. He was a man like any other. He looked at her not with the contempt of her elders or the adoration of her fellows. He looked at her the way Greg looked at her when they danced, how Bismuth looked at her when she finished her doomed pitch, how Pearl looked at her that fateful night at the palanquin. She looked at him like any mortal does.
And she ran. There was no fear in her run, she had long since accepted her destination. She knew she lacked the time to fully explain herself, to say everything she should say to everyone. To admit her misdeeds and hope they wouldn’t hurt her child for her crimes. If it’s a boy, Steven, she thought, if it’s a girl, Nora. These words echoed in her mind like a mantra spoken before slaying a dragon, fighting a monster, or saving a princess from certain death. Death, in his turn, walked. He still had an hour left to go.
Rose found Pearl cradling her knees beside a stone hand. She was bawling. Rose had never known Pearl to bawl like this, words incomprehensible to the English tongue. Eyes more liquid than solid. It looked as if they were about to explode into a geyser of tears. She was trembling with fear and sorrow. Rose could see the others standing by the warp pad. They had let Rose handle it. Surely Rose Quartz, leader of the rebellious Crystal Gems knew what to do.
But she didn’t. All these years, all this time, and she had no idea what to say. She could never convince Pearl of stopping when she was younger. When the war was hurting her, when she was close to being shattered. But Pearl wouldn’t take no for an answer, even from Rose. She loved that about her Pearl. She loved that most of all. She didn’t have much time to say what she had wanted to say. Instead, she asked a question.
“I’ve been working on a new song. Do you want to hear it?” Pearl said nothing Rose could understand. She sighed and pulled a ukulele out from nowhere like a bunny who could talk his way out of anything. She tuned the guitar so the melody hit just right. Then she strummed a bit of a tune before singing…
“If I could begin to be half of what you think of me, I could do about anything. I could even learn how to love…” There was a soft melancholy to her voice. The words only expressed her guilt. Her voice trembled with each word, uncertain if this could break the spell or damn Pearl to an eternity of sadness. “When I see the way you act, wondering when I’m coming back, I could do about anything. I could even learn how to love like you.” For a moment, Rose thought she could hear those last three words echo in the cool night sky. Instead, she heard something else.
“I always thought,” sang Pearl in an uncharacteristically weak tone, “I might be bad. Now I’m sure that it’s true. ‘Cause I think you’re so good, and I’m nothing like you.” It wasn’t weak in the sense of a dying child. It was weak the way one gets when confessing insecurities to a lover. Of saying something you’ve kept buried for so many years, something that isn’t quite yet unearthed. Rose could only feel the most painful of swords Pearl never meant to thrust.
“Look at you go,” Rose responded with tears in her eyes, “I just adore you.”
Pearl responded by speaking, not singing, “I wish that I knew what makes you think I’m so special.” She collapsed into Rose’s giant arms. They were both crying when they held each other. Rose was the one to break their tears.
“If I could begin to do something that does right by you, I would do about anything. I would even learn how to love…” Rose wiped the tears away from Pearl’s eyes. A smile wasn’t forming on her face, but the tears were gone. She cupped the woman whose love changed the universe. One of the few good things to come out of Pink Diamond’s court. A gem with eyes that could see and imagine so much, who was free and eternal. She shown brighter than Rose could ever dream of shining. “When I see the way you look, shaken by how long it took, I could do about anything. I could even learn how to love like you.” Once again, the world echoed her words. Rose didn’t hear them. She was far too busy kissing the woman she loved most. It felt like it was forever, it felt like it would never end. But as the end came, so too did their kiss.
They walked together to the warp pad. Greg was sitting on the steps, strumming a guitar. He looked up at the pair and only nodded. Amethyst had a giant, childish smile on her face. She raced towards hugging the pair of them, nearly tackling them both to the ground. Garnet stood in the corner, aloof with understanding. Her hands were glowing, and it was starting to spread across her arms. She would make it to the ending, and a little past that moment. Pearl, melancholy Pearl, had just let go of Rose Quartz’s arm. She sat next to her romantic rival, not with hatred in her heart, but acceptance. An acceptance as stable as a sandcastle. Rose simply stood there, surrounded by friend and lover alike, and waited for the sands of time to click to the end.
Meanwhile, a man in a black robe with a scythe in one hand and an hourglass in another stood by a van.
---
From now on, I’m just gonna tell it exactly like it was. Because that’s all you can do.
There was a sharp pain near the bottom of my chest. I felt like my whole body was on fire. Everyone was coming around me, confused and horrified. They tried to get me into the van, but it hurt every instance I tried to move. Greg was panicking, his eyes full of terror as he held my hand. Amethyst was still trying to get me to move, but to no avail. Garnet was simply standing there, shocked and on the verge of unfusing. And Pearl…
“What’s happening! Are you ok?”
Here’s the most cowardly answer I’ve ever given the woman I love.
“I’m going to be just fine.”
“Can you feel anything?”
“Yeah, yeah. I can feel something going on, but… it doesn’t hurt. It’s a bit like being a washing machine. Heh.”
And then, there was a bright shining light, brighter than any I had ever seen before. It was as if the whole world was completely engulfed in light.
“Oh my god. Rose, it’s a… Rose?”
“It’s a boy.”
I felt smaller, confused. Most of all, I couldn’t see a thing. I was pretty sure I was supposed to feel something about that. Didn’t feel a thing. I just wanted to go in the van, watch a video, and eat bits.
“Amethyst, do you want to see him?”
I couldn’t tell who was where and why that mattered. There was is annoying screeching sound coming from… somewhere. Couldn’t tell where. And I didn’t feel anything you’re supposed to. Nothing at all. I was… Rose Quartz.
“Fingers and toes. Count them.”
“Yeah, h-he’s fine. It all looks pretty average. …No eyes though.”
“WHAHAHAUAW!”
“His eyes are shut, Amethyst. It’s the sun.”
So they shaded my eyes. And then… and then I looked at them. And oh my goodness me, I became someone else entirely.
November 1, 2020-November 27, 2020
[1] Indeed, she had never met an immortal in her entire life.
[2] The closest relationship Death would ever have with a gem would occur thousands of years later with an Aquamarine wandering the shores of an alien world that, when loosely translated to the dead language of English, means “The Hat That Never Fit Right.”
[3] This is a common feeling had with the dying, especially among those whose deaths are quite painful.
[4] The last time she had used such a glare was when she was given a weapon called a Breaking Point.
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