Oh God, December Killed Me. Here's a quick piece on Duck Comics

Commissioned by Aleph Null PanelXPanel #18 can be purchased here.

Sarah Jolley is a writer and artist I found out about on tumblr through her various Duck Comics. Duck Comics, for those unaware, is a colloquial term to refer to the various comics based on and around Donald Duck, in particular the work of Carl Barks and Don Rosa. Jolley’s Duck Comics tend to focus more on side characters such as Gladstone Gander and Fethry Duck than the more famous characters. But within them, she is able to find a depth in even the most progmatic of characters. Her stories range from slice of life affairs involving who gets the armrest on a plane trip to tragically romantic tales of people who can’t be together due to their own hang ups and flaws to “Armageddon, but with Ducks.” But in truth, The End of the Rainbow is about more than that. It’s about the nature of wishes and how stories don’t need to have definitive endings to be important. It’s about the ties that bind us and what it means to be lucky. Its use of color ranges from stark black and whites to wistful sepia. It’s a wonderful comic and I highly recommend them all to you.

Sarah Jolley's work can be found here. There's only one day left to support the One Must Imagine Scott Free Happy Kickstarter.

Exterminating the Lovely Angels

So a few years back (2014 or 2015?), I had a conversation with Josh Marsfelder of Vaka Rangi and Eruditorum Press Fame about Dirty Pair fan fic ideas. One of them ended up as The Black Suit post of Fearful Symmetry. This is the other one, albeit edited slightly for reasons of grammar, continuity, and guilt. You can find the original version somewhere on google. (As I recall [and no, I can't check because it was on his twitter account, which he's since deleted], Josh said it was like one of Adam Warren's Dirty Pair comics [I think the either one with the Yuri clone or the one where they're partnered with dark reflections of themselves, though don't quote me on it], but better. [Though, admittedly, I could be using my memory to prop myself up.] I've since read those comics, and I can see where he's coming from, though there is some merit to them, albeit in a "probably needed another draft before it was perfect" sense.) Also, the One Must Imagine Scott Free Happy Kickstarter is still ongoing. So, you know.

Exterminating the Lovely Angels

A Dirty Pair Affair

By Sean Dillon

Art by Katie Mitroff

This started out as me thinking about what I’d do with a Dirty Pair movie. It was one of those thoughts you come up with when you are trying to distract yourself from doing the work you’re supposed to do. It was completely different from the form it is in now (for starters, the exterminating aspect was referring to Daleks as well as the Buñuel film, but mostly about the Daleks), but enough is in there to require mention (for the record, I thought of Quentin Tarantino directing it mainly because my sense of humor includes “Directors with Nausicaän sensibilities making a Dirty Pair movie” [Hello, future me here. Since writing the pitch, my view on whether or not Tarantino’s a Nausicaän director has shifted to being capable of being in the Nausicaän mode as well as the Keiyurian mode, even within the same film. Were I to write a pitch like this today, I’d probably include other directors like Rachel Talalay {who is very Keiyurian}, Boots Riely {also Keiyurian}, and Guillermo del Toro {because this list needs at least one purely Nausicaän director, albeit in the sense that Tarantino's purely Keiyurian}. Also, I don't bring it up in the pitch, but the reason for the subtitle is to both refer to my favorite Dirty Pair OVA, Affair of Nolandia {though, as the Black Suit shows, I've cooled on it} and for the rhyme]). Admittedly, this is still in the rough stages of the process (I don’t think I give Yuri a lot to do and the textual villain is still vague).

Thematically, the story is about the nature of doing a Dirty Pair in an era filled to the brim with 80’s nostalgia pieces from JJ Abrams’ Star Trek to the upcoming Ghostbusters movie, among several others. In addition, it would also look at the growing force of militarism, patriarchy, and all that jazz. But at its core, the tale would be about two women constrained by the folk memories of who they were in the 80s breaking the chains that bind them from admitting their feelings towards one another. As with the best of Dirty Pair, it’s a love story. (Before you point out how Red Eyes Are a Sign of Hell is my favorite Dirty Pair story, I will concede that story being defined as a love story would be a bit of a stretch. But on average, the best Dirty Pair stories are love stories.)

The frame story opens with a woman with a red pixie hair cut drinking at a dingy bar that looks like it came straight out of a pulp detective novel, with only the smallest amount of sci fi trappings. She is not in a good mood. Her bartender, a woman with a black ponytail, pours the woman another glass, her 8^th, she thinks. In the background, an instrumental version of Bob Dylan’s When the Deal Goes Down plays, providing both a melancholic as well as a nautical tone to the scene. Eventually, the bartender asks her patron what her name is. Kei, she replies. They talk about a variety of things, ease tensions and infer mutual attraction. Soon, the bartender asks Kei why she’s at the bar.

Kei: Oh, um… my, ah, my partner died.

Smash cut to opening titles, probably a slightly less upbeat but still poppy version of Russian Roulette; more Somebody That I Used to Know than Dance Apocalyptic.

At this time, I don’t have much of a main plot, probably just some sort of mad scientist making an army for Lucifer or something that would require the 3WA to work with a military outfit. Mughi is more in line with his look from the original short stories, save for the detail that he’s pink (because the modern day equivalent of Mughi is Lion from Steven Universe, a show that you probably should watch at some point as at least two characters are blatantly Lovely Avatars and it’s your best case for modern children’s fiction being utopian, with its older sister show Adventure Time making a relatively good case against it. (Remember that Adventure Time post I made a month back? At the time I wrote this, the person at the heat of that article was still a major influence on my views of the show. Depending on when I wrote it, I might have just unfollowed them.) How it does this is actually very interesting, the advertisements for the show portray the series as about to go grim dark with the gems turning out to be evil or Steven cutting himself off from his friends and loved ones because “he has to be responsible” before the show flat out states “no this is Steven Universe, of course we aren’t going to go grim dark, that would be rubbish. Here’s a musical number about how awesome Love is as well as a good scolding about keeping secrets from those closest to you to ‘protect them’”). Yuri has blue hair in this adaptation and tends to make a lot of snark at the military’s expense. Kei narrates, though her words don’t always match with what’s happening and is in practically every scene.

As I mentioned previously, the Lovely Angels have to team up with a military outfit, which led by one Admiral Carson D Carson, the main antagonist and most unsympathetic character of the film (how unsympathetic? His theme song is a cover of Summertimedone by Linkin Park [them specifically because of the invocation of the live action Transformers movies and their connection to Michael Bay’s fixation with the military] [That's not really a good signifier for his metatextual villainy and is kind of mean to Linkin Park fans]). While he is not revealed to be working with Lucifer, he is nonetheless the antagonist of the film by dint of his goals. You see, much like Michael Keaton in Jackie Brown, Carson thinks of himself as the protagonist of the story (think Chris Pratt in Jurassic World). Or rather, that he should be the protagonist of this thrilling military Science fiction story instead of these two women. He is tactically aware that this is a Dirty Pair and wants to thrust control away from the angels and make Kei his love interest, because she’s the less womanly of the two and it’s up to him to tame her. That he is not immediately beaten down by the Lovely Angels in the first ten minutes is solely due to him being the only other character returning from a previous Dirty Pair story wherein he actually succeeds in becoming a deuteragonist. So as a man of Science fiction who has tasted power, he wants more. (In narration, Kei will try to mention him as little as possible, not even saying his name, while Yuri will, in private, speak of him with word combinations that would make James Rolfe blush)

Collectively, most people see Kei and Yuri as horrifying and bloodthirsty, due to their status as sci fi action movie heroines. They are, of course, highly indignant of this viewpoint and would much rather explore strange new worlds and help people than blow shit up, though admittedly it is fun. Individually, they’re seen as a Tom Boy and Girly Girl. While they don’t express their feelings about this directly, it is clear from body language and some of their word choices that they don’t feel this is who they truly are.

It all comes to a head when Kei and Yuri are about to enact a plan to stop the plot of Lucifer that could actually work and with relatively little property damage. In fact it would have worked, were Carson not to see that it would have worked, thereby depriving him of his role as the protagonist and relegating him to merely a love interest (such a role is too unmanly), and thus “accidentally” goes in guns blazing, making the situation even worse. It doesn’t stop the problem the Lovely Angels were sent to solve, just make what they were trying to do not work. At some point, Kei and Yuri get slightly separated (as in Yuri is a few feet away from Kei) when Carson drags Kei out of the fight. Ostensibly it’s to “save” her from a loosing battle, but the reality of it is Carson sees Yuri as the sole thing keeping him from being the protagonist of the story and straightening Kei out. So he abandons her, dragging the screaming Kei forced to watch as row upon row of Lucifer members descends upon Yuri. She fights to escape from his grasp, but he knocks her out, and she’ll awaken in time for the giant finale to help show how amazing he is at being a Military Science fiction Man.

And then I nick a trick from The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (or, rather, my redemptive read of the film) and cut back to the bar.

Kei: We won, in the end. The goodies beat the baddies and everyone lived happily ever after. They even gave us some medals.

The bartender considers pouring Kei another drink, but decides against it.

Bartender: You miss her, don’tcha?

Kei looks down at her empty glass, her teary eyes reflected in the little pools of alcohol left.

Kei: Yeah, I guess I do.

The Bartender smiles knowingly.

Bartender: More than that, you loved her, didn’t ya?

Kei looks at the bartender. Perhaps she’s always known who she was talking to. Perhaps it was only in this moment, in this cue, that she allowed herself to know. Perhaps she never knew before, but now does. Perhaps she lied. Perhaps she left something out. Perhaps there was never a Carson D Carson to drag Kei away from Yuri. And even if there was, he never had any real power to begin with. It was always Kei telling the story to us. She was never in any danger of losing control of the narrative. Perhaps Kei and the woman with black hair she’s been talking with have been telling us a story so that we could accept what’s about to be said. Or perhaps I’m just Pollyanna, and I still believe in miracles. (I was really trying to force that reference, wasn't I?)

Kei: Yeah, I guess I do love her.

The bartender lets down her long black hair.

Yuri: I love you to.

Kei has a giant smile on her face: the smile of knowing love for the first time.

Kei: Ha! You do dye it.

And so they walk out together with a Janelle Monáe cover of Summertime to start the credits.

(Happy Holidays and I'll see you on January 2nd with the start of One Must Imagine Scott Free Happy!)

And Now I’m Mirroring You. Fuck! (Sailor Moon)

Commissioned by Freezing Inferno. The One Must Imagine Scott Free Happy Kickstarter is still underway. At the time of this writing, we're slightly more than $300 shy of reaching the goal.

Too pure for this world, going through a lot, and disaster bi.

Sailor Moon… is not that good. Putting aside the low quality animation that pads out scenes to the point of ruining the timing of their jokes and has entire sequences reloop so they can save money (one notable scene being when Sailor Moon’s mom finds out about her grades and it holds on her for a second too long), the Supporting Cast is largely unlikable to the point where the best episodes excise them completely to focus on the main trio. The only ones who aren’t a complete shitheels (and are actual characters) are the guy who works at the game store and Sailor Moon’s muggle friend. And even then, the muggle friend is the kind of person who would steal someone’s incomplete love letters and the guy who works at the game store is implied to be Tuxedo Mask, who is the worst. (Seriously, why was he involved when Sailor V is literally around the corner?)

I can understand the appeal of the series. There’s certainly an anticapitalist bent to the plot episodes Freezing Inferno commissioned me to work on (Episodes 1, 3, 8-10, and 13). For the most part, these episodes pertain to the Sailors dealing with a capitalist villain manipulating the system to break the wills of the women of Tokyo. These plots include trapping kids in a system of tests that favors those who can afford tutors, making people wake up at bizarre hours to do the work that needs to be done, and abusing a religious setting via selling poisonous talismans. The first episode is literally about abusing people to sell jewelry. Even the final episode of the bunch that doesn’t have any anti-capitalist undertones has the Sailors fight cops and the patriarchy (the other “non anti-capitalist” episode deals with a call in radio station and the media they consume).

The problem is that the Sailors refuse to fight the cops until they realize that they aren’t actually cops. The fight against the patriarchy is concluded with the Soldiers being applauded and patronized by Tuxedo Mask, to which they reply with a desire to get into his pants. And the anti-capitalist aspect of the series is a minor theme that never gets followed up on, in favor of a time travel plot about how Future Tuxedo Mask was grooming his past self to fall in love with Sailor Moon. The problem with talking about Sailor Moon is that there isn’t much to talk about in and of itself. The best I could do would be to wax lyrically about a potential reboot akin to what Devilman got. “Sailor Moon Crybaby” would be a fitting name for such a series.

But instead, I’m going to talk about a different series based on a work by Go Naga: Re: Cutie Honey! Based on the magical girl manga and directed by Neon Genesis’ Hideaki Anno, Re: Cutie Honey is a three episode OVA series about a detective by the name of Natsuko Aki having to deal with a group of demonic beings going under the name Panther Claw. When things feel like they’re overwhelming her, a magical girl by the name of Cutie Honey comes to help her out.

There are many ways in which Cutie Honey is similar to Sailor Moon and improves on its flaws. Both are within the magical girl genre of anime with a slightly anti-capitalist bent to them (though Re: Cutie Honey is more muted in that regard with comments about how the cruel can abuse people’s desire to help as a means to gain power and torment those they despise. Most notably in the second episode where the cutesy character is framed as the worst because she’s codifying monstrous ideas in more palatable words. Imagine an idol going on about how it’s not her fault she’s kidnapping all these women and destroying these buildings, it’s Cutie Honey’s fault for not dying. She’s a menace to society who brings about mass destruction). Both have extremely blatant queer subtext (though Re: Cutie Honey’s is louder [the bit Frezno gave me did not have Neptune and Uranus. Depending on which arc of episodes they could have picked with Neptune and Uranus, that might have been a good thing]). While the same length as the selection Frezno gave me, being a short OVA series as opposed to a selection of episodes from a 40+ season of anime allows for the pacing to be slightly more in tune. And Re: Cutie Honey is sensible enough to cut out their comedic sexual assault character whereas Sailor Moon relegates him to a single episode of this mini-arc and only implies his comedic antics of assaulting both men and women as well as age up the sexualized main character to not be a minor.

But perhaps the best place to compare the two is between their titular characters. Both Cutie Honey and Sailor Moon can be described as ditzy blondes who disguise themselves to fit into the situations they find themselves in and always doing the right thing because of it. But where they differ is that Cutie Honey has agency. Throughout the episodes Frezno provided, Sailor Moon seems to be more thrust into situations against her will than throwing herself against the cruelties Panther Claw wishes to bring about to the world.

But perhaps the biggest difference between the two is in their respective queerness. On the one hand, Sailor Moon is perhaps one of the most famous examples of queer people in anime with the characters Neptune and Uranus (who, again, don’t pop up in the bit I was asked to cover, but for the sake of being fair, let’s actually use them). Equally, the rest of the Sailor Soldiers (because that’s what the anime calls them: Pretty Soldiers) have a queer interpretation bursting throughout every aspect of their being of the anime. Sadly said interpretation is smothered in the crib in favor of sacrificing Neptune and Uranus to the alter of herteronormativitiy (literally, rather than giving them boyfriends) so as to bring about a relationship between Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask, King of the doucebags. (Really, if I were to cover that arc, I would have something to say about Sailor Moon beyond “It’s historically important, but man is it crap.” It would be howls akin to those I make when I watch Dirty Pair: The Motion Picture, but it would be something.)

Re: Cutie Honey on the other hand goes for a bit more of an explicit queer relationship. That is to say, the main couple has several moments together building a relationship with one another (as well as a few suggestive scenes where they lie atop one another naked) and they actually gets together in the end. (Indeed, the closest thing the show has to a Tuxedo Mask character, Seiji Hayami, is actually delightful and charming as opposed to being a shitheel who is destined to be with the main character. Indeed Seiji is more akin to Uranus and Neptune in terms of role within the series as someone who has a different worldview to Cutie Honey but is ultimately swayed to her line of thinking.) But more than that, the queer romance is core to the series’ values. Sure, it wears the suit of an action series in much the same way Hannibal wears a procedural, but at it’s heart, the show is a meet cute rom com about a bitter cop opening her heart up to someone after her last love was lost. It’s a show about empathy and personhood and how love can help us through even the most traumatic of experiences. In short, it’s the ethos of Steven Universe put into an adult anime.

In the end though, I had a lot more fun watching Re: Cutie Honey than I did Sailor Moon. I understand why it’s important to so many people (and especially to Frezno, who has written a much better series of articles on the show), but it just didn’t work for me. And I’m disappointed that the “But you didn’t do anything” bit wasn’t in the actual anime. I figured it wouldn’t be, but I’m saddened that it wasn’t. (The smug bastard does two things in the six episodes given and the show acts like he’s been helping the Sailors throughout. Gah, why couldn’t he be Sailor V instead?)

What Even is Kingdom Hearts?

The One Must Imagine Scott Free Kickstarter is still running. At the time of writing, we're $350 shy of reaching our goal!

Sir Not-appearing-in-this-game

Kingdom Hearts is a clusterfuck. It’s a video game series wherein the Final Fantasy multiverse infects a multiverse defined by the properties the Disney Corporation has consumed over its time. This ranges from Cloud fighting in the Coliseum against Hercules to Scrooge McDuck riding a Choco- Wait, that doesn’t happen? Scrooge McDuck never rides a Chocobo? Chocobos don’t even pop up in Kingdom Hearts? Then what’s the point of the series if we can’t have the flagrantly best idea for frankly no good reason? I mean, imagine Maleficent about to achieve her goal of being the main villain of the game (before some OC from the convoluted Lore steals the spotlight from her because he’s voiced by Alan Moore or something), Sora and Goofy outnumbered by Heartless (Donald fled because Daisy was in trouble), only to be confronted by Donald Duck inexplicably leading an army of Chocobos. Or how about a minigame where you race against Gladstone Gander while riding Chocobos for the world cup, and you have to deal with his supernaturally good luck. Or how about Chewbacca cooking a Chocobo, only to not eat it because they look so god damn cute. Goddamn it, we could be getting Spider-Man riding a Chocobo, but no. KRONK THE CHOCOBO SCOUT!!! They just don’t exist in a material sense in this game series. This awful game series with a plot that makes no sense whatsoever, that thinks that dodging is an optional mechanic, and thinks we care about Xenmas more than we do our childhood villains. Kingdom Hearts is pointless until they have Chocobos.

But since I can’t just leave it at that (I mean, I could, but I don’t want to), I suppose I should talk about the moment of the series that best explains Kingdom Hearts. (Aside: Kingdom Hearts is like reading that Final Crisis omnibus that for some reason thought it would be a good idea to include all of the tie ins, even the ones that are flagrantly not part of Final Crisis.) It’s set on the world of Rainbow Connection, wherein the Muppets frolic to their hearts content. Sora, our player character, and his friends Donald Duck and Goofy find themselves in a swamp confronted by a hooded figure (revealed three worlds and an encounter with Spider-Man and Galactus’ Heartless in the Gummi Ship to be Constantine from The Muppets Again masquerading as Kermit for frankly inadequately explained reasons) who tries to tempt the heroes into aligning themselves with the Darkness.

Initially, it seems like this will be the first boss fight for the section of the game, but instead it’s just a “kill all the heartless” style fight and the hooded figure leaves. But before he does, he cryptically makes mention of something Goofy has been saying throughout the whole game. Suddenly, a dark aura surrounds Goofy. Sora begins to understand: Goofy has been consumed by the Darkness. The paper thin disguise “Goofy” has been wearing throughout this whole game is torn off, revealing Foygoox! Foygoox has been manipulating the leads throughout the whole game (which is a nice way of saying Sora, Donald, and even Mickey spend most of the game holding the idiot ball) and indeed the whole series (which is bullshit for several obvious reasons) so that he can get the Keyblade and free his dark and mysterious master (revealed in the final level to be some OC villain only brought up in a offhand mention in a hidden diary entry voiced by Ian McKellen doing a rubbish Peter Cushing impersonation).

Immediately, Sora doesn’t buy this. Goofy has always been their friend for… for a long time, and he wouldn’t do these things that he’s doing of his own volition. They’ve been through so much together, surely Goofy isn’t the main villain of this series. In retaliation (a nice way of saying “In order to save face over the fact that his obvious bullshit has been found out”), Foygoox does something so insane, so game breaking, so impossible, it’s a wonder the developers actually let it happen: Foygoox removes the subtitles so no one can understand Donald.

All of reality collapses in that moment. Sora and Donald are unable to move, tossed aside like ragdolls. The sound collapses just as Foygoox was explaining what his motives are. (Fans of the series have gone into the source code of the game to find out what exactly he’s saying. Since I’m not a fan of the series and am too pissed off over the fact that there aren’t any levels where you can ride a Chocobo while having a sword fight with Long John Silver as played by both Brian Murray and Tim Curry, you’re not getting it from me.) All that remains is the buzz in the ears typically heard shortly after waking up from nearly having a black out.

But then, something else becomes clear in the buzz. It’s faint at first, but it’s not a hard noise. It sounds almost like music, primarily because it is. You think you recognize the tune of the song, but you can’t put your finger on what it is. You can, however, instantly tell that it’s Donald who’s singing the song. Frozen in place, Donald has just enough strength to sing. And, as Foygoox comes down from the heavens in his winged angel mode, you recognize the song. It’s a stripped down version of Simple and Clean, the theme to this whole game series.

There’s a boss fight shortly after this where Gonzo the Great helps you defeat Foygoox (for now), but the important part is that song being sung at that moment. It’s the key to understanding this confounding series of events calling itself a story. Strip away all the lore, all the Disney and Final Fantasy characters, the hollowness one feels when we realize that there are no Chocobos in this game, and what’s left is a story about the ties that bond one another. It’s about how love and friendship can redeem even the worst of us. Of how only the heartless and cruel nobodies would think to abuse those around them. 

And, in that one sublime moment, it’s about hope in the face of all facts. In that moment, there is no way for Donald or Sora to escape. They can’t move and their best friend just betrayed them for the Heartless. And yet, Donald finds it within himself to sing a song about how, no matter what horrors they might face, what evils lurk within the heart of man (or even the lack thereof), he will always be there for Sora and even Goofy, once they stop whatever’s causing him to be evil. In the complexity of this world of talking animals and goopy gremlins, all we have to hold onto is each other. We don’t need to do the impossible like walking on water or anything like that. We just need to be there when all hope is lost, when those who rule are heartless and things seem to be turning out for the worst. And together, we’ll shine.

One Must Imagine Scott Free Happy Kickstarter

Hello everybody! I've launched a Kickstarter for the book version of my next long form blog project: One Must Imagine Scott Free Happy: A look at Tom King and Mitch Gerads' brilliant comic series Mister Miracle! And I need your help! Projects such as this need funding and well, I'd like to ask for some money. If you can't support me financially, then at the very least spread the Kickstarter link around. Thank you for all of your support and I hope it's a success.

One Must Imagine Scott Free Happy: Blog Edition coming January 2019.