From The Psychotronic Video Guide Seventh Edition by Michael J Weldon and Joseph P Craigson III:
Asteroid Blues
(Paramount, 2071) D: Marcus Walters S: Joe Pan Fue, Lisa Clark P: John Matinez
A woman (Mariana Lopez) and her drugged up boyfriend (Jon Smith) have discovered a mountain of drugs and attempt to sell it. This neo-noir has an air of melancholy typically unseen in most films of this age. Lopez’s eyes tell us so much that the relatively weak script by award winning writers Joe Pan Fue and Lisa Clark. Also stars Luke Smith (no relation), Jonathan Jones, and Steven Weldon.
Ballad of Fallen Angels
(1979) D/S/P: Jason P Oscar
A surrealist take on the noir genre that switches between different layers of reality, dream, and fiction. A bounty hunter returns to his home town to find the mob has taken over. Scenes are missing dialogue, color, and visuals. Three restorations have been attempted since the release in 1979, though a complete work print has been found earlier this year and is expected to be released sometime next summer by Orion.
Black Dog Serenade
(Warner, 2001) D/S: Arthur Jones P: Mary Jones
A queer noir tale set in the 1970’s and 50’s about an one armed detective chasing after an escaped convict with the partner who betrayed him to the mob. The film ends as many noirs do with the crime being avenged, though the guilty ultimately are not completely punished. A surprisingly masculine film within Mary Jones’ producing filmography, though sensible considering it was a passion project for her identical twin brother, Arthur. Stars John Hurt, Jarred Harris, Tim Roth, and Ben Affleck.
Bohemian Rhapsody = Gateway Shuffle
Boogie Woogie Feng Shui
(Warner, 2052) D: Joe Marx S: Alan Moore P: Warren Jonas IV
Perhaps more interesting than the film itself, a riff on The King in Yellow done rather poorly, is how the film came to be. Three years after comics writer Alan Moore died, a group of teenagers found a script they claim was written by Alan Moore (though it lacks his iambic tone and quality writing) in basement of a house they were house sitting. That the script was supposedly found in America makes this story even more dubious, though fitting considering Moore’s career began with an act of con artistry of his own. For the next couple of years, the script changed hands and producers until it was finally released, ironically, by Warner Brothers. It stars John Jones, Geoff Snyder, and Mary Jane Palmer. Archival footage of Moore can be seen in the background of one of the shots, much to the dismay of the Moore estate. Rumors abound that Grant Morrison funded a lawsuit against the producers shortly before release to remove Moore’s name from the project. Obviously, it was unsuccessful.
Brain Scratch
(Miramax, 1999) D: Steven P Anderson, Lex Kent P: Harvey Weinstein
A science fiction drama about three men who share a brain. It was infamously cut up by the Weinsteins and turned into an incoherent movie where the plot barely holds together in favor of a more “action driven” plot. Stock footage from Starship Troopers was infamously used in the climactic battle with little to no change (for some reason, they’re fighting giant spiders). If it were made by anyone not as ingrained into the studio system as Weinstein, it would have tanked his career. The only thing that can be recommended about the initially released version is a musical number in the second act where one of the actresses is clearly high and unable to synchronize with everyone else. The actual film, released by Sony under the name Slaves to the Beat, is significantly better, but at best, it’s decent. The initial cut was rated PG-13 while the final cut was ratted R.
Cowboy Funk
(2025) D/S/P: Patrick Devita-Dillon
A cowboy slowly dies of dehydration. Emphasis on “slowly.” This minimalist film features no music, no interiors, and no dialogue. At times, one wonders if this is a snuff film, but one would probably stay awake if it was.
Ganymede Elegy = The Long Goodbye
Gateway Shuffle
(Disney, 2050) D/S: Ava DuVerney P: Michael Mason Germany (Bohemian Rhapsody)
A children’s film about the Astral Gate Incident. Duverney final film is perhaps one of her strongest and angriest. That this is also the final film produced by Disney makes this all the more melancholic. The film stars Lakeith Stanfield, Janelle Monáe, and Robert Godard.
Heavy Metal Queen = Dirty Pair OVA
Honky Tonk Women
(Starmaker, 2003) D: Ryan Morrison S: Steven Demayo P: Quentin Tarantino
A gambler tries to con her way out of her debts by working with a sleazy billionaire. The final film Tarantino produced in his dry spell between Jackie Brown and Kill Bill, the film touts an all-star cast of psychotronic actors from Sid Haig to Patrick McGoohan in his final film role. The dialogue, while not as snappy as Tarantino’s, still has a guttural charm to it. Famous for the climactic and explosive final set piece that can be seen on a television screen in Kill Bill, Death Proof, and El Camino.
Jamming with Edward
(2071) D/P: Sylvester Stevenson Earth/Mars
A documentary exploring the investigation of noted hacker Radical Edward. The film slowly becomes a psychochronographic look at the history of the world after the Astral Gate incident through the lens of hacking. The film concludes with a belief that the world is rudderless and the future is ever changing. There’s a level of optimism to that.
Jupiter Jazz
(Diamond Dogs Video, 1984) D: Tobe Hooper S/P: Robin Stevens
The first of Tobe Hooper’s noir duology. Jupiter Jazz (Jamie Lee Curtis) is a detective looking for the heir to the Marston dynasty (Michael Jackson). What follows is an exploration of class, depression, and carnivals. Hooper’s slick camera and colorful pallet charge this neo-noir to heights unseen in the genre at this point. The ending is perhaps one of the bleakest in the noir genre. Also stars Robert Forrester, Anthony Hopkins, and the film debut of Quentin Tarantino in a non-speaking roll.
Jupiter Jazz II
(Diamond Dogs Video, 1987)
One of two sequels Hooper made to his own films, Jupiter Jazz II returns to our lead seemingly undamaged by the events of the previous film. Now she’s investigating the murder of a politician at the behest of his wife (Sigourney Weaver). Linda Hamilton stars in perhaps her most startling role as a junkie on the verge of suicide. One almost feels sorry that the tumultuous production soured Hooper’s relationship with writer/producer Robin Stevens as this is arguably both of their best films. Also star Vincent Price and features stock footage of a chicken getting its head chopped off.
Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door
(Fox series, 2010-2011)
A single season television show about an investigation into a Catholic terrorist plot to destroy the Empire State Building. Its final episode controversially aired on September 11th, 2011 before the last five minutes were abruptly cut off, conveniently before the Empire State Building was destroyed. It was canceled midway through production and had its episodes aired out of order.
Mish-Mash Blues = I Break Down
Mushroom Samba
(Warner, 2039) D: Jacob Chapman S: Greg Stevens P: Steven Sugar, Warren P. Miller
My Funny Valentine
(HBO series, 2021-2029)
An HBO series exploring the relationships with love and family. Each season would have a different set of protagonists from Anne Hathaway and June Egbert to Mark Morst and Lu Chi Wan. The show was infamous for an episode that was just an orgy that would have gotten the show canceled were it not for the stellar ratings and reviews, becoming a worldwide phenomenon. Its final season starred Frank Joseph Watson, Annie May Smith, Lucas Wilson III, Winslow Swan, and five others.
Pierrot le Fou
(Criterion, 1965) D/S: Jean-Luc Godard P: Georges de Beauregard France (Pierrot the Madman)
An unhappy man (Jean-Paul Belmondo) leaves his family and reunites with his ex-girlfriend (Anna Karina) for a crime spree.
The Real Folk Blues
(Fox Video, 2020) D/P: Spike Mason S: Ryan Chack
This four hour crime epic explores the violent end of the Red Sombrero Crime family. It focuses on a pair of lovers whose lives and love was ultimately destroyed by joining the family. Ryan Chack is (mis)cast as Violence, the lead thug out to kill the lovers and take over the family. The climactic fight scene is perhaps one of the greatest sword/gun fights in the history of cinema. Spike Mason cameos in a role that makes you wish he was playing Violence. Some planets have released this as two films for the sake of profits.
The Real Folk Blues II: See The Real Folk Blues
Speak Like a Child
(Sony, 2023) D: Rachel Talalay S: Steven Moffat P: John Waters
The reunion of Dr. Who scribe Steven Moffat, director Rachel Talalay, and actors Peter Capaldi and Jenna Coleman as well as a reunion between Talalay and John Waters in a switch of their former roles. The story of a woman lost in a future that was never meant for her with no memory of her past paralleled with that of a man in the twilight of his life sings in ways few Moffat scripts have before. Talalays eclectic direction emphasizes the melancholic tone of the script and Capaldi gives a morose final performance. Also stars Joe Jones, Jared Harris, and, in their first role, Luna Mars as a one line bellhop. Even in this small role, Mars gives an air of weirdness and mystery. James Gunn and John Waters cameo.
Stray Dog Strut = A Shaggy Dog
Sympathy for the Devil
(2021)
Allegedly, a recording of the exorcism of Aleister Crowley in 1947. It has scenes that are clearly shot in the then contemporary 20’s with the skyline matching that of Martian 20’s than Northampton in the 1900’s. The actor they get to play Crowley looks identical to images found in the Earth Archives. The climactic scene of Crowley ripping the heads off of the priests trying to save him is at once grotesque and beautiful. There’s an almost Blakean feel to the way Crowley’s body contorts as he “transforms” into a demonic creature. The gristle in his bloody smile as he looks into the camera before the visuals burn out is perhaps one of the most frightening scenes in the history of film. A shame the rest couldn’t live up.
Toys in the Attic
(Paramount, 2069) D: Marcus Walters S: Joe Pan Fue, Lisa Clark P: John Matinez
The award winning debut of Marcus Walters tells the story of four people (and a dog) locked in a haunted ship with no way to contact the outside world. Their food has run low and there’s “something” waiting for them in the creaking walls of the ship. Out of all of Walters’ filmography thus far, this is perhaps his most brutal. A sneering look at humanity in the backdrop of an uncaring universe hampered by a narration that frequently quotes Ligotti, Sandifer, and Jung. One could say that the film would be best viewed silently, but that would mean losing the work of Alex Reed, perhaps the greatest score in the history of horror cinema. And, of course, the voice of the lovely Janelle Monáe as the sole female character (as opposed to presence) within the film. Also stars Walter Jones, Marcus Walters, and Jakey Matinez. The film was shot in black and white.
Waltz for Venus
(Orion, 2071) D/S: Lisa Smith P: Jacob Williams Venus (Love is Enough)
Brad Pitt stars in his final role as an aging gunslinger forced on one final job. A whirlwind romance that traverses the galaxy from the cities of Mars to the battlefields of Pluto. The final scene, set on Venus, ends on a melancholic note. Also stars Tom Holland, Jenna Coleman, and pop star Mary Jones in her first film role. Jake Bellisimo wrote the score.
Wild Horses
(Sony, 2050) D: Mattie Franklin S: Jude Traveler P: Harrison Palmer
A depressed man comes to terms with the nature of the universe.
That’s All Folks…
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