(Not) On a Series of Unfortunate Events

To Aleph Null—

[Insert poetic death pun here]

Sadly, I cannot write this article. There are several reasons whyI could write about the lives of the Baudelaire Orphans and those they have come across. I liked the show quite a bit, I have fond memories of the commentary of the movie where Lemony Snicket just takes the piss out of the whole damn thing, and I grew up with the books.

And therein lies my problem, a phrase which here means, “This is why I can’t help you” and is used as a transition to lead to the core problem instead of simply saying why the thing cannot be done: I never finished them. I certainly got well into the series, all the way up to the Penultimate Peril. Alas, I never read the final book in the series, The End. I’ve sneaked a peek at bits and pieces of the book, but I’ve never finished. It’s a hole in my library and to fill the hole would require me to finish the series, which is something I cannot do, what with my other… commitments. Alas, I would love to wax poetically on the themes and implications of the series, how they tie into the way the world was and is, and whatnot. But I literally cannot do so at this time.

Regretfully yours,

Sean Dillon.

PS Patrick, you’ll find the package in the basement three buildings to the left of where we last met. I figured it was too important to tell you this in secret code.