What Anime Does Peter Parker Watch?

Commissioned by Aleph Null

In regards to the subject of a fictional character’s taste in the wider culture, it should be noted that it will always be constrained by the opinions of the person writing said analysis as well as his knowledge in the subject matter. There was, for example, that rather rubbish decision in the 90’s (which is to say “a decision made in the comics scene of the 90’s”) to reveal Superman’s favorite music was grunge, which is right up there with “The Doctor telling Ace not to fight against her rapist, as that would be historically inaccurate” and “Captain Picard displacing the Space Indians” in misunderstanding both the characters and the universe they live in.

As such the subject of “What does Peter Parker like in anime” will always be constrained both by my views on Spider-Man as well as my knowledge and understanding of anime. In truth, I’m not much of an Otaku. I haven’t watched any of 

Speed Racer or Trigun or Macross or any of the other anime people tell you to watch. I’ve seen bits and pieces, certainly. I grew up on Yu-Gi-Oh and Digimon, but I tend to lean more towards more English centric works like Spider-Man and Doctor Who (when I did watch Digimon, I didn’t even realize there was a reboot between series. And I stopped watching Yu-Gi-Oh all together roughly around the DRAGONS ARE REAL AND WANT TO SAVE YOUR SOULS FROM THE CORPORATION WITH MOTORCYCLE RIDING CARD GAMERS FOR GOONS arc). It took a class for me to finally get around to watching Akira.

But I’m being paid for this one, so I guess I’ll have to try my best.

I’ll start out with what we know from the comics. To start with: Cowboy Bebop. In one of her amazing comics, Hannah Blumenreich posits that Peter is in fact a fan of Cowboy Bebop. This is a problem for me as I have yet to finish Cowboy Bebop and it’s been… seven or eight years since I tried to watch it (before YouTube took the videos down). I can’t say what his favorite episodes are or what he thinks about the shit episode that every Cowboy Bebop fan says is shit (Peter is a contrarian, but there are limits). His favorite character is probably either Spike for being his male ideal of a slim guy with a quick wit, a laze fare attitude, and a willingness to throw himself into danger for others or Ein for being an adorable dog.

But if you want less fan comicy opinions, Chip Zdarsky’s recent run on Spectacular Spider-Man has canonically stated that Spidey’s a fan of the mecha genre by having Young Peter have a Leopardon action figure in his room… which is a problem, as I’m not familiar with the mecha genre. I’d assume, given the sheer beauty of the work he’s a fan of Macross Plus and he’s certainly come across Neon Genesis Evangellion… OH! Here’s something I can actually talk about: When Peter initially watched NGE, he didn’t care for Shinji. There are several reasons for this from the whining to just not liking the passive nature of the show’s protagonist to flat out turning off End of Eva after the masturbation scene (he watched the series subtitled on recommendation). But when he went back to watch NGE a few years later, he realized that a major reason for his disdain was that he was intimately aware of the kind of person Shinji was. Sure, Peter wasn’t the kind to run away at a moment’s notice, but there was a faint echo of the kind of person Peter was as a kid. In retrospect, Peter wasn’t a good person. He tried, but for the most part he came off as just as whiny as Shinji, even if he kept most of the whining to himself. Rewatching the show with the eyes of an adult, Peter finds the character far more palatable… even if the masturbation still mortifies him. Also the concept of Newtypes made Peter refuse to watch any Gundam series ever.

That’s pretty much all the stuff the comics have provided in regards to Peter’s tastes. All that remains is my interpretations. Let’s start with the one everyone expects from me: Dirty Pair. In truth, Peter didn’t watch this during his first anime phase (that was mostly stuff like Cowboy Bebop, mecha shows, and 4Kids dubs [he only liked Pokémon]). Dirty Pair never crossed his radar, though not intentionally. He might have seen an image or two of the series at some point or another, but he didn’t ever watch the series.

It wasn’t until one of his Trekkie friends pointed out that the two series have a connection to one another that Peter gave the show a chance. (This was during his Star Trek phase, wherein he had rather dull opinions before ultimately treating Star Trek like it’s comfort television and now has no opinions on the show.) In many ways, Dirty Pair was the start of Peter’s second anime phase, which is growing strong today. Though the first couple episodes weren’t enough for him to shout “THIS IS THE GREATEST THING ON TELEVISION,” he kept watching because it was fun enough comfort television (though he has respect for episode 7).

It wasn’t until “Gotta Do It! Love is What Makes a Woman Explode!”that Peter fell in love with the show. In truth, Peter has a soft spot for romantic comedies wherein the base plot is essentially the Gift of Magi. He loves stories where people come together through sacrifice and realize how much the other means to them because of it. He especially loves stories where the sacrifice is nullified because of their love and the world is better with them in it. Also, the action is a delight.

In truth though, much for the same reason as his feelings towards Shinji, his favorite episode of Dirty Pair is “Who Cares If They're Only Kids! Playing War Games Warrants a Firing Squad?!” both for its anti war message and for the deconstruction of “boy will be boys” mentality that he probably could’ve used when he was younger. He’s a bit mixed on my favorite episode of Dirty Pair (Red Eyes are a Sign of Hell) but he finds it to be fine. The only Dirty Pair move Peter likes is Flight 005 Conspiracy, as he doesn’t care for Carson D. Carson or unnecessary rape scenes (especially ones that give him Venom flashbacks).

Shortly after finishing Dirty Pair, Peter asked one of his anime fan friends what he should watch. Among the series was Dragon Ball… Peter rage quit that series midway through the Frieza arc because it just wouldn’t end, which is shocking given he frequently hosts showings of The Chronicle of Anna Magdalena Bach to people who for some reason let him do movie night after CHIRPY (when Peter showed the film to the Avengers, all but Captain America swore a blood oath to find an excuse to beat Spider-Man up with shovels. The reason Captain America didn’t agree to the blood oath was because he was too busy being a Space Nazi to participate in movie night. The LMD that took Captain America’s place tearfully confessed to being an LMD and that Captain America was a Space Nazi, but everyone else was too busy plotting various schemes of revenge to listen. With no one to confide into, the LMD went back to Space Nazi Captain America who only listened once the LMD brought up the confession. Upon hearing this, the LMD was immediately terminated. Upon realizing Captain America never actually watched CHIRPY, Peter made it his mission to get Captain America to watch CHIRPY. It took five years, but the utter delight on Cap’s face made it worth it. The Fantastic Four have stricter rules regarding movie night, so only Reed has seen CHIRPY. Reed does not talk about CHIRPY. Reed has explicitly told Peter that should he cause Johnny to watch CHIRPY, he will hire an assassin to murder every single person Peter has ever loved at the peak of his relationship. Reed does not know that Johnny was the one who introduced Peter to CHIRPY, who was in turn introduced to it by Sue, who was introduced by Ben, who was introduced by Val and Franklin, who saw it some super villain review it on YouTube. The X-Men do not have a movie night because Professor Xavier is a jerk).

In regards to the film Spirited Away… it’s not that Peter dislikes the movie. Rather, he doesn’t find it to be one of the better Studio Ghibli films made. There’s something about the art style or the writing or the acting that he just doesn’t like. He still isn’t sure what aspect of the film that has him not like it, but the important thing is what not liking the film caused to happen.

He was at a bar, talking to two of his friends who are also anime friends, when the subject of Ghibli came up. It was relatively civil at first, with Peter mentioning that one of his favorite films was a Hayao Miyazaki film. When one of his anime friends, Fleming Kingston, asked if it was Spirited Away, and Peter mentioned that it was one of his least favorite Miyazaki films. Fleming, it should be noted, is someone who is extremely passionate about anime much in the same way Ian Levine was passionate about Doctor Who. What followed was a heated argument where it became increasingly apparent that Peter wasn’t really friends with Fleming as much as was in his presence for large periods of time. It was only made worse when Peter finally said what his favorite Miyazaki film, which absolutely broke Flemming to the point of homicidal rage.

Peter was only saved by the timely intervention of his other anime fan friend, Doreen Green. When the dust settled, Fleming swore that he would never speak to either Peter or Doreen again. As a consequence to their escape, Peter discovered that Doreen Green was in fact Squirrel Girl, much to his delight and her relief. He confessed to being Spider-Man and their friendship was solidified even more. They decided to celebrate by having a movie night, though Doreen was disappointed that Peter had already seen CHIRPY, so they decided to watch Speed Racer instead. Peter was surprised by how much he liked it.

I suppose at this point I should probably write what Peter’s favorite anime series is. Like many a superhero, Peter does not have his own Netflix account. Some superheroes (like Hawkeye) simply nick the account from their fellow heroes (Hawkeye). Others, like Tony Stark, don’t need a Netflix account because they have a massive share in the company and get it for free. And some just ask their non-superhero friends to use their Netflix account (Howard the Duck). Peter, meanwhile, is technically breaking the law in his acquisition of a Netflix account in that he isn’t using his name or credit card. Coincidentally, Oscorp profits have gone down considerably since Norman came back from the dead.

On the account that isn’t his, Peter has watched a number of shows that he missed on initial viewing (from TNG to Breaking Bad) as well as various original movies that are mostly for ironic purposes (though he will cut you if you make him watch The Ridiculous 6). While browsing without any real purpose, Peter came across a series that looked like the kind of edgelord garbage that he enjoyed when he was a teenager. Naturally, Peter decided to skip that show and watch something else. But every so often, Peter would see that anime pop up in his recommendations. There was something about the series that drew Peter to it, but he couldn’t quite place his finger on it.

Rather than ask Doreen about the series or look into it himself, Peter instead watched all 10 episodes in a single five hour block. What followed was a period of utter depression, queerness, magic, cruelty, and other such things that ultimately ended on a note of ambiguous optimism, wherein the point isn’t so much the pointless cruelty but rather the willingness of frightened people to suppress their empathy when it comes to mass hysteria and violence. It reminded him of his childhood growing up under the shadow of 9/11. It was the story of how a social darwinistic attitude leads only to the suffering of those closest to you. It was one of the greatest, most tragic love stories Peter had ever seen, a love story ultimately destroyed because one of the members was unwilling to be emotionally honest with himself.

When he finished the series, Peter called Doreen to ask her what she thought about the series. She told him that she hadn’t watched it, as it looked a bit mean and she was familiar enough with the Manga to know where it goes. Peter convinced her to at least give the show a chance. When Doreen finished, she said that while DEVILMAN crybaby is a watchable and quite good show, she was right about it being too mean for her tastes.

As for his favorite anime movie… let’s dial back a few years. When Peter was a kid, he would frequent one of the Blockbuster stores in the area. It wasn’t one of the bigger ones, used to be a mom and pop shop in the 50’s. Now it’s a bank that’s just four kiosks and an ATM. But when Peter was a kid, it was a Blockbuster. He had many conversations with the cashiers about various films. Some would recommend rather violent films Peter was too young for like The Secret of NIMH or Watership Down. Others tried keep him towards more childish fare like the Return of Jafar or The Great Muppet Caper. But perhaps his favorite was Ryan Chack.

Ryan worked at the store for a single summer, but he always treated his customers like he was working for them for his entire life. He had a scruffy look to him, with black hair and a beard that he didn’t bother to shave. It wasn’t that long, all things considered, but there was a messiness to it nonetheless. Ryan had the knack of knowing exactly what movie someone needed to watch. A depressed girl in Peter’s apartment named Jane was given a copy of Clue and laughed for the first time in forever. A reformed convict named Jack was given a copy of Fight Club and began a movie club that introduced him to the man of his dreams.

For Peter though, he was given a movie that shaped his life forever: The Castle of Cagliostro. Watching the film, Peter realized that what he wanted to grow up into was the Lupin of the film. A suave, caring person who has wild adventures dancing against the cruel and the unjust in the name of making people better. Of being a magical man who, with the power of belief, could overcome everything. Maybe he would never find love or get the treasure he was after. Maybe he would always be a menace to society, on the wrong side of the law. But what did that matter? The world is far less fun without menaces like Lupin or Spider-Man. Also, it’s fun, funny, and a wonderful watch. (Were he allowed a third movie night, this would be it. Fourth movie night is O Lucky Man! Fifth is Inland Empire.)

Ryan ended up moving to Chicago at the end of the summer, though Peter would see him again.

In terms of Abridged series, there are many paths we could go down. It would be obvious to say that he likes Team Four Star and Little Kuriboh (both of which are true), and it would be a bit too long to discuss the various opinions he has on abridged series (Could, for example, Young Justice Abridged exist in a world of superheroes? Could My Hero Academia? Does Miracleman exist as a comic? These are not rabbit holes I’m interested in diving into).

But what I want to focus on is simply this: Peter Parker’s favorite abridged series… but first, I have to talk about Berserk Abridged. He watched the original series hbi2k was riffing on, and it ended his first anime phase with the kind of disgust one tends to see when watching a series end with the entire cast raped, murdered, and turned evil. (DEVILMAN crybaby is an exception because it doesn’t have massive moments that are just blatantly still images, there was a glimmer of hope at the end, and it was about a year before he became Spider-Man when he saw the series end so bleakly, so he might feel differently if he rewatches it.) When Peter was getting into anime again, he was told time and again to watch Abridged series. One such series was Berserk Abridged.

It was a bit rough starting out. Not all the jokes hit as well as they could have. And yet, there was a charm to the series. Someone who deeply cared about the show and loved it, warts and all, was making these jokes as opposed to someone who utterly despised the characters and wanted to show why they were better than them. It’s not so much that it’s the best Abridged series that Peter’s ever watched, but rather it showed Peter the potential of an Abridged series could be.

And then he reached the final episode, and realized the full potential of Abridged series. Not only could they make jokes around the narrative of a series, but they could also be used to fix the flaws of a series and expand on the narrative to make for a far better viewing experience. Which brings us, perhaps inevitably, to Peter Parker’s favorite Abridged series: Sword Art Online. Not only does the series do all of these things, but it also adds brilliant new jokes, wonderful side characters like Don Fluffles, and is literally a love story about terrible people who try to be less terrible for their friends and for each other. That’s one of the many reasons why Steven Moffat is one of his favorite writers.

And finally, Peter has read the Spider-Man Manga. I think I’ll leave it at that.

The Utter Mundanity of Life (Paradise Towers)

21st Century living at its finest.

Before The Doctor came around, the story of Paradise Towers was that of the youth being corrupted and consumed by the old. The young boys who grew up in the Towers were hauled away by the Caretaker and taught to follow the rules. They grew up to be Caretakers and their mission was solely to care for the walls of the Towers, for the residents could care for themselves. The girls were left with the Rezzies, who tried to eat them once the food ran out (they could go outside the Towers, but why? The Towers provide them with everything they need). The ones fortunate enough to escape created a new society in the margins of the old (they didn’t think to escape the Towers, for what was outside them save a war torn hellscape?). It didn’t start out as a new society; rather it was a game the girls played with one another wherein they had to get into the other girls bases to be determined as “best.” They cared for one another (certainly more so than the Rezzies), be they red, blue, or yellow, they were all nonetheless Kangs.

The Towers contained secrets, things that the Caretakers repressed, the Kangs expressed, and the Rezzies ignored. There were a few of the Rezzies who didn’t consume the young, but who still wouldn’t do a thing when they heard the screams. They didn’t want to cause a bother. There was Pex, a deserter of the War between us and them; the War that consumed the boys who were old enough to enter it; the War that never ended and was always ongoing; the War that defines Paradise Towers, though it be long forgotten. But Pex’s desertion was not out of protest of the war, but of fear. Pex was always a coward but dreamed of being a hero. Had The Doctor not come to Paradise Towers, he would have been neither.

And then there was the thing in the boiler room. When the Kangs were little girls (before the food ran out), the Rezzies (and the Caretaker, for that matter) would lie about what it was, claiming that it was just the furnace and nothing more. Had the food not run out, the little girls would still have become Kangs precisely because of this lie. The truth of the matter was that the man who created the Towers lived in that furnace. The Rezzies and the Caretaker slew the Architect and stuffed his remains in the furnace. The reasoning behind this was self-defense. For the Architect was a jealous God who despised people interpreting his art incorrectly. One of the ways people did this was by living in the houses he built. Like many a jealous God, he responded to this incorrect interpretation by killing the people who lived in his houses. And so the Old Ones of Paradise Towers killed the Architect before he could kill them (they didn’t tell their children because they didn’t want them thinking they could go around killing their architects).

But, unbeknownst to the Rezzies, the Architect was not dead. For when the Caretaker took the architect to the furnace to dispose of the remains, he found that the Architect was still alive, albeit barely. Rather than deal the killing blow, the Caretaker decided to instead keep the Architect as a pet. Like many a good pet owner, he fed it the right foods and supplements, primarily meats from the lads who wouldn’t follow orders and wouldn’t make for good Caretakers, Rezzies who were too noticeable in their cannibalism, and the occasional Kang. And he worshiped his pet as though it were a God. His was a cult of one.

But the Architect did not wish to be someone’s pet, let alone their God (to be a God to anyone is to be under their interpretation). And so, he hatched a scheme to escape from his prison and remove the messy, incorrect interpretation from the Towers. He would cultivate a new body, one less damaged and capable of moving. It would take time and energy to do so. He would need this Caretaker to feed him for now, to gain enough energy to escape from his cage. But when the Architect was free, he would cleanse the Towers of mess once and for all, without humanity mucking up the art. (And had the Doctor not come, he most likely would have succeeded.) But he would need a body. Fortunately, the sustenance the Caretaker provided were exactly what he needed.

Of course, the disappearances did not go unnoticed in the Towers. The Kangs, who were already marginalized, knew of the terror that lurked in the boiler room and tried to warn their fellow Kangs. For while they were at war with one another over who is the best, they didn’t believe in wipe outs or making others unalive. (The Rezzies also knew, but ignored it like all their other problems, especially when they could get something better for not causing a panic). The Kangs opted to tell stories scrawled upon the walls of the Towers of Kangs being consumed by the monster in the basement, of mechanical “Cleaners” cleaning up the rowdy messiness of Kangs, their remains fed to the architect, of a great pool in the sky that is at once material and unobtainable. Though they didn’t believe at the time, the Caretakers knew these stories and feared the implications (Pex also knew, but then he was always afraid). When they asked the first Caretaker what they should do, he responded, “Clean this wallscrawl up!” And so, they repressed this history and made it occult, as they did with the histories that didn’t fit within the way things are.

But deep down, the Caretakers knew something was amiss in the Towers. There was chaos and horror and mess dominating the people of the Towers. The Rules they were raised under taught them that order, above all else, must reign supreme. Something had to be done about this mess we call humanity. Someone had to come to solve what was wrong with the Towers. The Caretakers considered the history of the Towers, and asked themselves “Who built this place?” And so, they created a hero of their own: The Great Architect. He, who brought Paradise Towers to life; the visionary, who dreamed up its pools and lifts and squares; He, who would one day return to his creation and make all those dilapidated lifts rise and fall as they have never done before. When he returns, they say, all signs of wallscrawl shall disappear from the walls. The floors will gleam, the windows will shine, and all will be made as new.

When the Chief Caretaker, first of the Caretakers, heard of this tale, he paid it no mind. All those who live need a story to live by, and what a better story than that of The Great Architect, who desired order and obeying the rules. And should someone enter the Towers unawares, the Chief will simply tell the Caretakers that he is The Great Architect. He will then make up a rule that says The Great Architect ought to be killed, and the Caretakers will follow it. For a story’s great and all, but the rules are the rules. Unfortunately for the Chief and all the other monsters of Paradse Towers, the stranger who entered the Towers was not a soldier or a cop or even an Enemy, but rather}KRRRRRRSSSSSH{

THAT DOES IT… HE’S A FRICK’N NERD! HEHEHEHE    

DO YOU KNOW? THE JOKE AT THE HEART OF ALL THIS BULLSHIT? NONE OF THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED… WHEN HE SAID IT DID. THE COMIC HE SAYS HAPPENED IN OCTOBER OR NOVEMBER OF 1987 HAPPENED EARLIER. IN JUNE OR JULY OF THAT YEAR. HE GOT HIS INFO WRONG. HE WENT OFF THE COVER DATE AS OPPOSED TO THE RELEASE DATE.

HE GOT OTHER THINGS WRONG TO. HE SAID KOKABEIL AND URIEL… KEI AND YURI SAVED THE CHILD OF OMELAS… MISSINIE WHEN VENOM WAS BORN AND KILLED. THEY ONLY WANDERED THE RUINS… LEFT BEHIND BY CHILDE VENOM A YEAR LATER. THEY COULDN’T AVENGE ANYONE FROM HIS DESTRUCTION. THE VICTIMS HAD TO SAVE THEMSELVES AND HEAL. HE'S NOT EVEN THAT CLOSE TO HIS NONNA! AND DIRK GENTLY ONLY CAME OUT IN 1987.

I ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN THE CIRCLE HE DREW, BUT THEN… NO ONE KNOWS WHO I AM. I LIKE IT LIKE THAT. I LIKE BEING A MYSTERY. YOU NEED MYSTERY, OR THERE WOULD BE NO POINT IN GROWING UP. KNOWING THE TRUTH FROM THE BEGINNING KEEPS US PLACENT. WE’RE TOLD THAT’S CALLED PEACE BY THOSE WHO WISH FOR ETERNAL WARFARE, BUT IT’S COMPLETE KNOWLEDGE. WE MUST SEEK OUR TRUTH, NOT BE TOLD IT.

DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT LUCAS HART?

COMICS AREN’T GOING TO STOP YOUR PARENTS FROM FIGHTING… DOCTOR WHO ISN’T EITHER. STORIES CAN’T SAVE YOU FROM THE CRUELTY OF LIFE, MADE MUNDANE BY THOSE WITH POWER.

WHAT A VAGUE STATEMEMNT THAT IS: “WITH GREAT POWER, THERE MUST ALSO COME—GREAT RESPONSIBILITY.” WHO ARE THE POWERFUL RESPONSIBLE TO? HOW MUCH POWER DO YOU NEED BEFORE YOU HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE? DOESN’T THAT APPLY TO EVERYONE? IT’S VAGUE, IS WHAT I’M SAYING.

THEN AGAIN, WHAT BELIEF ISN’T VAGUE? A SPECIFIC BELIEF WOULD BE STUCK ADHERING TO IDEAS OF THE PAST. VAGUE BELIEFS CAN CHANGE WITH THE TIMES INTO STORIES THAT HELP THE PRESENT. THE ONLY THING THAT PREVENTS SOLID STORIES FROM CHANGING IS THE CHAINS OF CANON.

TIME IS FLUID. MEMORY DOUBLY SO. WE FORGET WHEN THINGS HAPPEN. MISPLACE CAUSE AND EFFECT. THE EVENTS THAT OCCUR ARE REPRESSED IN FAVOR OF LESS PAINFUL MEMORIES.

DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT LUCAS HART?

HE’S USING ME AS AN EXCUSE TO RAMBLE ABOUT NOTHING. HE DOESN’T HAVE AN ENDGOAL. HE NEVER DID. HE’S AS LOST AND CONFUSED AS THE REST OF YOU. HE KNOWS THE WHERE BUT HE DOESN’T KNOW (I do actually. At least, I think I do. I tell myself that I don’t have a clue, but I think I’m getting there. Plans change, but that’s life I suppose. We can’t control every aspect of it, now can we? I suppose I ought to give my thoughts on Paradise Towers: it’s pretty damn good. Not the best episode of Doctor Who, let alone the McCoy era, but still pretty good. It has some issues [for all that its end goal is the roof, it sure does keep going down into the Tower’s depths, and the casting decisions should have gone slightly older for Pex {like middle age} to make the time scale of when the events of Paradise Towers happened in regards to the narrative of Paradise Towers] but these are minor nitpicks in a story that can be described as “High-Rise as children’s panto.” Langford works surprisingly well as a co-lead given her reputation amongst many Doctor Who fans, though not great. And McCoy brings the perfect balance between his comedic stylings and the “seriousness” that Whovians think solely defines him [in many regards, a more accurate description of McCoy’s Doctor would be “what if Spider-Man decided to be a master manipulator and was inexplicably good at it?”]. Again, it’s not my favorite episode of Doctor Who [that would be The War Games {or The Curse of the Fatal Death}] or even my favorite McCoy story [Human Nature], but it’s still an underrated piece of television that more people ought to watch.) FUCKER JUST HIJACKED MY BROADCAST! WHAT KIND OF SICK FUCK DOES THAT?
}KRRRRRRSSSSSH{was dead. A funeral was held for the cowardly and reluctant Pex, where those who lived in the Towers deemed him worthy: the Kangs named him an honorary Kang and the remaining Rezzies and Caretaker bowed their heads in respect. The Doctor and The Stranger who entered Paradise Towers left the Towers for the world beyond. Mayhaps one day they shall come back. Mayhaps not. Regardless, their presence changed the Towers. For the better, I believe. For the stories of the Doctor and those who walk with them tend to end with the worlds they walk away from better for it.

The Doctor brings change shaped by mess and humanity rather than cruelty and hatred, for they are a being of wallscrawl and margins. But more than that, is The Doctor’s secret: anyone can be The Doctor. They’re just a story being told throughout the universe about those who defend the marginalized and othered from those with power. To be The Doctor, all you have to do is say you’re The Doctor. Now, who wants to tell the next story?

(Next Time: Mawwage!)

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[Photo: High-Rise Directed by Ben Wheatley Script by Amy Jump]

A Decent Box and A Piece of Ground. (The Funeral)

What do normal people have?

It’s January 6, 2018 and a year ago today, my Grandfather died. His name was Carmine DeVita. He was hospitalized numerous times in the months before he died. His lungs weren’t working, so he was on oxygen for most of that time. He had less energy than normal and he couldn’t work down in the basement. Poppi, as we called him on account of him being Italian, loved to build things. He helped build sets for my brother’s films, fixed broken tools in his basement workshop; he even expanded my house into a two-story building when I was a baby.

But the thing he built I remember most fondly was a simple swing set. It was just a single plank of wood tied to a tree. And yet, for me, it was enough. Every summer when I went to his and my Nonna’s (grandmother’s) house, I’d play in their garden, making up stories about runaway children and the cruel private schools they fled from. These were flights of fancy, certainly (the cruelty of the private schools, for example, was that they were killing the children who failed to be good martial arts assassins as opposed to the hazing and the other mundane horrors of private school that I never experienced), but they were what I did in that back yard. I would come up with those stories on the swing set my Poppi built and act them out in my own private stage.

He was a kind man, but one who didn’t want to show his weakness. Even before his lungs went horribly, there were moments where, when he thought no one was looking, he sagged. It was a sad sag, one of someone who has lived for a long time and just wants some rest. I understood it in the moment and felt a hollowness within me, one that hasn’t left since he died.

The night he died, my brother and I went to see Princess Mononoke. He didn’t want everyone to see him die, just his wife and children. The last thing I said to him was “Be seeing you.” It was a reference only I would get, but my family liked the sentiment that it implied. This isn’t the end, there’s more after this. The last thing he heard me say was “GAH!!!” as I accidentally head butted my Aunt while trying to rest my head on hers. It was a funny experience, and I tried to say something else to my Poppi while my brother dragged me out of the hospital. At a red light on the road to the movies, my brother broke down into tears.

Later that night, after midnight, my mom came home. I could hear the garage open and close from my room. I knew what it meant. I rushed downstairs to meet her. She sagged like there was a hole in her. She was at the verge of tears. “It’s over, isn’t it?” I said making another reference with implications only I would get. She responded in the affirmative, and walked up to the family room. She broke down and cried. I wanted to cry as well, but my tear ducts just wouldn’t budge. They only flew when I watched a movie about sad things or in the privacy of the desert in between being asleep and being awake. We talked about what happened, we even addressed it directly. I forget what we exactly said to one another, but what mattered was that my mom needed a shoulder to cry on. A couple minutes later, my brother, who tried to deny what had happened, finally came up. He was bawling in the way most people would call over the top when it happens in a movie. How I envied their ability to cry. They sympathized with my inability, my numbness, though I keep feeling like they only did so because I’m blood. My brother tried to lighten the mood by saying “Now I know what it’s like to be a Hillary supporter on Election Day.” I exploded at him. He tried to defend himself by saying that he was trying to make a tasteless joke to change the mood (I should note that he isn’t a complete monster, just a Jill Stein supporter). I explained that humor of that kind tends to work better when it doesn’t invoke controversial subjects. To prove this point, I made a crass sex joke before heading back to my room, which was met with a much warmer response.

He was buried a few days later. I was one of the pallbearers. While we were attending the funeral, I saw my Nonna cry for the first time. It was weird and wrong. I didn’t know how to feel. There’s was a hole in me left by Poppi’s passing, one that I felt could never be filled. I didn’t want to be around people. I didn’t want to be alone. I just wanted him to come back.

A few weeks later, Mikey Neumann released a video on Princess Mononoke. I’d gotten into him shortly before Poppi died, Sam Keeper was raving about how amazing The Dark Knight video he made was, and they were right. I even watched his video on The Grand Budapest Hotel on one of the nights I was at the hospital, and given that video’s subject matter, it hit me hard. So when I saw the Princess Mononoke come up on my subscription outline, I was hesitant to watch it. But nonetheless, I did. I didn’t burst into tears or collapse. But I did feel a twinge of sadness and the message Neumann got out of the film did surmise a lot of what I believed in. But it wasn’t an answer to the pang in my heart that the hole created. I don’t know if there is one.

Why am I talking about my Poppi right now? Two reasons. The first one is because he’s part of the reason I began this project in the first place. I’ve always had an interest in Spider-Man and whatnot. I think I’ve talked about my failed attempts at making a project around him at some point or another. This was supposed to be the side project I’d work on so I could get an angle on a “Choose Your Own Adventure” Twine game about Avengers VS X-Men. In the end, this became the main project and the Twine fell by the wayside. I think part of that was because I wanted to grapple with the subject of death after Poppi died. I tried other ways: poetry (Here’s a link), listening to music (Seeming’s Doomsayer, for example, broke my heart in particular the line I know what it’s like when your family cries/I know how it feels) watching movies (Make Way for Tomorrow hurt a lot, though that might have been due to watching it preceding a trip to Florida to visit Nonna for a few weeks before I took her home for the first Christmas without Poppi), among other things. None of them did the trick, and I thought maybe this would…

The second reason, the one that explains why I’m talking about it here, is because I first remember watching The Simpsons at Poppi’s house. The episode was called “Skinner’s Sense of Snow,” and I fittingly watched it on a Christmas night. It might have even been the night it premiered, I don’t recall. I was five at the time and though it wasn’t the first Christmas season I recall (that would be when I was four), it was the first of many I spent at my grandparent’s house. I found the episode pretty funny, though I didn’t get all the references to previous episodes or even all the jokes. In fact, I think I might have started it midway through. But whenever I watch it, be it on my own volition or because it’s a rerun, I always remembered that warm winter night, lying on my stomach by the fire while Nonna was preparing dinner and Poppi was in the background, sitting on his comfy chair. Since that moment, I’ve a lifelong admirer of The Simpsons (even if I don’t always watch the newer episodes [save the Treehouse of Horror ones, which are always a delight]).

I suppose I should finally start talking about The Funeral. It’s not one of the better Simpsons stories, not even one of the better Simpsons shorts. The jokes are a bit stale to the point where some of them aren’t even jokes. Some of them don’t even work (the setup for the last skit, for example, doesn’t work because we don’t see Lisa and Maggie misbehave at the funeral). The writers don’t use the short length of the skit to their advantage. The voice actors haven’t found their voice for the characters yet. And yes, the animation is terrible (of note, the skit involving actually seeing the body keeps us at a distance for too long, making the punch line not work to its fullest potential). In short, this is probably the second worst piece of fiction this project’s going to cover.

And yet, there’s a charm to it. Maybe it’s just my nostalgia for The Simpsons or how I can see the good version of it in there (it needs a whole lot of polish, to be sure), but for some reason I can’t hate this short. It’s not good, but it’s not terrible either. It’s just mediocre, a stepping-stone before getting to bigger and better things. Humble beginnings and juvenilia are never the best work, but they can show the way to that better work. You can see hints Homer’s aggressive relationship and Bart’s rebellious streak, but you can’t see the family’s kindness or much characterization on Lisa, Maggie, or even Marge’s parts beyond their relationship to Homer and Bart.

But when I watched it for the preparation for the blog, I knew I had to talk about it. I knew what I was going to talk about when I talked about it and why I was going to talk about it. But, as with all the other posts in this project, I only had a vague idea as to how I was going to talk about it. I’ve always felt my worst in the winter, even as a kid. It’s even worse now that Poppi’s dead. I’m not that talkative, I didn’t have as close a relationship to him as my brother did (I was honestly closer to Nonna though my memories with Poppi are deeper, if that makes any sense), but he deserved a longer life than he got and I miss him dearly. I felt like he was an anchor in my life, I thought he was going to live forever. But in the end, everything ends.

In April, when the icy rivers melted and my Nonna came back from Florida and with my mom, my uncle, and my aunt held a small service wherein they threw Poppi’s ashes off a bridge he built in my grandparent’s backyard. Most of my stories revolved around crossing that bridge and running around the bamboo forest beyond it. I didn’t attend the service on account of being at college. I didn’t see the ashes until I returned home from spending a week with my brother before his graduation in May. A month later, I began formulating the outline for this project.

On Christmas Eve 2017, I opened a present my brother got me (my dad was feeling too tired to be able to wake up early enough to do open presents on Christmas day). It didn’t matter what we got for one another, what mattered was that we were together and alive and other things not said on Halmark cards. But one of the things he got me was something that I didn’t ask for, but a thing I nonetheless would not reject. It was a copy of the GKIDS release of Princess Mononoke. I haven’t watched it yet and I don’t know when I’ll feel up to it.

(Next Time: Red Kangs Are Best Kangs!)

Postscript (4/28/17):

My brother and I finished watching The Elephant Man about an hour ago. I had never seen the film prior to that night and he had only seen it once or twice back in High School. When we got to the final scene of the film, we both broke down. We thought of Poppi and what he meant to us. We though of how both the titular man and our grandfather were both aware of their limited time on Earth, and opted to end it on their own terms: Joseph Merrick by sleeping like a normal person, Carmine DeVita by cutting off his oxygen while surrounded by his wife and children. They could have lived longer, but they decided they wanted to die on their own terms rather than prolong their suffering and the suffering of those closest to them. But what got to me, what really punched me in the gut, was the film's final lines: "Never, oh! Never, nothing will die; the stream flows, the wind blows, the cloud fleets, the heart beats... Nothing will die." Poppi went back to the river that defined so much of my childhood in the end. His ashes were dropped off the bridge he built. We will remember him. I cannot fully express my memory of him. I want so desperately to remember him more. I wanted him to see me graduate. I wish he could see this stupid, amazing blog I made for him. I wish you knew him as I knew him. His silent melancholy, his boisterous joy, his bullying, his kindness, his solidarity, his neutrality. I miss him, even now. There's a hole in my chest shaped like him. Thinking about it now, I realize how close I was to him. It's funny what you don't notice until it's too late. I love you Poppi. You'll always be with me. When the movie was done, my brother and I embraced with tears in our eyes.

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[Photo: Sandman #72 by Neil Gaiman and Michael Zulli]